(Lawyer: Mr. Lizardi would like to state that he finished that last blog at 1:39 AM, August 11th (Saturday). So to anyone who think he didn't write you on the day stipulated in his last blog, he, in fact, did.)
...here is the blog I promised you. What I wrote is just shy of five hundred words-
(Lawyer: Four hundred and forty seven.)
-dude! We talked about this. Sorry guys. Won't happen again. Anyhow the stuff I wrote is just under five hundred... see he didn't inter-
(Lawyer:...)
FIRED!
(Lawyer: You can't fire me! I quit!)
Same difference! So as I was saying, here is what I promised you. It actually isn't what I thought it would be because I tried writing that and...well it didn't work out so well. But what I have here for you today is something I really enjoyed writing. Hopefully I can keep it up. Any feedback would be appreciated. Obviously it's just a rough-draft so don't go New Yorker editor status, but if you see anything you think should be changed around then hit me.
(Lawyer: He doesn't mean, 'hit', in the literal sense. If you do proceed to such action you will be served, literally.)
Aww... Lawyer! I thought you were gone.
(Lawyer: You can't afford not to have me. And... I'm pregnant with your baby!)
...
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My name is Aiden Gersham and until a few months back I was just a normal kid living a normal life in normal little Idaho on my normal families normal little farm. Well at least I thought it was all-normal. Then the whole New York social shock thing happened and I figured out pretty quick that I’m weird, but another story for another time.
So, like I said, my family owns a farm.
It’s one of those three hundred year ancestor deals. If you’re listening to my
dad tell it then you’ll be told my great, great, great grandpa began the thing
with nothing but the callouses on his bunions and a pair of torn trousers on
his...well yeah. The way my mom tells it, grandpa (to the third) won it with a
pair of threes and a poker face that couldn’t be beat. But however he got it,
the place was home to me - and my four sisters.
Yeah. Not raising a brow yet? Well get ready while
I explain the deep complications that this holds for me. In a city, or even
someplace where other people who didn’t share my last name existed, sisters
might have been a valuable asset. They could inform me in the ways of, ahem,
other girls. On a farm, women are, well to put it lightly, not so great. I’ll
illustrate further: my mother makes sure that girls do-not-do-hard-labor. Yes.
Four sisters, no brothers and acres of legumes that, according to my pops, I’m
lucky to have the opportunity to harvest. Sympathy is appreciated.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my sisters and the
abilities they possess in the kitchen but could a mail-order brother have been
so hard?
Anyhow, you’re now pretty much caught up on my li–
oh wait. I forgot to mention one last little detail. I’m homeschooled.
Homeschooling
wasn’t my first choice... actually it was sort of my only choice. The only
school within tractor distance was run by a guy who my mom suspected to be a
democrat so obviously that was out of the question.
Now the only reason I bring up the whole
homeschooling thing is because I need the chance to defend my people. Firstly,
I did not take my sister to prom. I have four sisters, two older and two
younger, all in a range of two years up and down. In order to take one to prom
(prom with two people? Awkward!) I would have to choose one sister above the
other three, an obviously big no-no to anybody with over one sister. So prom
night was popcorn with Joe, my dog. Secondly, yes, I do enjoy homeschooling and
thirdly, no, I don’t have a mental problem.
So, now that you know mostly everything normal about me I think it’s time we
start with the – well you’ll see.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------And that's it! Man it feels good to just write again! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing. Remember that any feedback would be amazing! Have a blessed day guys!
(Lawyer: And girls - because that's what the baby is!)
Daily Reading: Genesis 2:2 - By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. (I leave the Bible reading up to Pastor haha)
Random Fact of The Day: One of the first known contraceptives was crocodile dung, used by Egyptians. Really? Really, really, really?? Who even thought of that? I'd love to see that conversation.
'Yea, let's just stick some croc crap up there and see what happens?'
'Uhh...'
Maybe it's a great birth control because, NO ONE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH SOMEONE WHO SHOVES ANIMAL POOP UP THEIR YEE-HAW! No idea why that was all in caps, the fact is just so weird that caps seemed needed.
So that's it for me. Have a good one people!
(Lawyer: What about-)
Oh go shove croc poop up your-
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